12/28/10

Expecting too much from your expectations of others

I reflect on our attachments to our expectations of others, and how this can imprison our relationships.

Please click the title or the link below for more ...

http://www.corporatedruids.com/2010/12/expecting-too-much-from-your-expectations-of-others/

7/8/10

Acting today, a past of honour and a future of hope

We want to be able to look back on our past actions with honour.

But, if we feel regret, guilt, remorse on our past actions there in lies our greatest teacher showing us exactly the difference between
actions that bring honour and actions that brings regret, guilt and
remorse. An attachment to the regret, guilt and remorse stops you from
acting today. An awareness of the rise of those emotions empowers us to
break the habits and patterns that repeat such actions.

To read more http://bit.ly/bGstYV

6/28/10

What is your gentle action today?

Take a deep breath if you are feeling powerless.

If you think you are only a drop in the ocean, without the ability to influence change in the larger world, that your will and action will be diluted.

Breathe.

Know that as you breathe in, you are breathing the air that connects you to others, the environment and all living things.

As you breathe out, the cycle continues.

As we begin to understand the nature of chaos and complexity science, we realise that we are intricately connected and interwoven to everything.

The smallest and the biggest event is all connected and creates change. This is explained by the 'butterfly effect' that theorises that a "flap of the wings of a butterfly in Brasil will create a Tornado in Texas".

All living systems such as eco systems, human systems are complex systems. An ant colony and a the stock market is a complex system. There are patterns and structures in complex systems, where there are multiple interactions between many different components. Therefore even small changes can have far reaching and unpredictable impact.

This is heartening, because if human and social systems are complex systems, then even a small action by a single individual could have far reaching impact. This also means we have to take 'responsible action' because of the way a single individual can influence a system.

Often we imagine that to make a change, we need large external interventions. Actually this can destabilise the system. Instead, if you are within the system, you have a bigger impact. Because as you change, and act, the system changes from within. When the system changes you change, because you are an integral part of the system. So the cycle continues, in small and often unpredictable ways.

Make a gentle action.

A 'gentle action' (as suggested by Complexity Theorist David Peat), is an action that rises from within you, wholly connected to the environment, the situation, rather than a fragmented external intervention. A gentle action is in harmony with everything.

If you are beating yourself up that your actions are puny in a large complex system, stop! Remember that you are part of the system and therefore have all the possibility to make change.

Take heart. Be powerful. Be gentle.

You count.

Breathe.

Act.

Gently.

Wishing you powerful gentle actions.

Mihirini

6/27/10

The power of simple random acts - How the I Can project started in Sri Lanka

It’s February 14th, Valentines day and I am browsing the net, going from one link to the other, without a particular destination, enjoying tidbits from the cyber world.


I happen to come across an interesting TED talk http://on.ted.com/88Xq. Its about a school in India (Riverside School) that starts a program called I Can, where children aged 8 – 14, in small groups are empowered and inspired to become change agents. It’s a simple concept. The children are asked to pick an issue that bothers them, that they want to change, and then they are given a week to make the change. The impact and results are amazing. From cleaning up garbage, to making cities child friendly, to stopping child marriages, to teaching their parents to read and write, no issue was too big or too small. Kiran Sethi, the lady spearheading this project sees the potential of the project and starts taking the idea to other schools in the state and then across India. It gathers momentum and start spreading all over … Pakistan, England, Canada, Bhutan.
Check out how its spreading at http://www.designforchangecontest.com/.

Coming back to my random web surfing. I tweet the link. My dear friend Bishan Rajapakse, in New Zealand picks it up and is equally inspired and does more than tweet it. He writes to Kiran praising her for her work and saying it would be amazing to start this in Sri Lanka. She replies. Of course … You Can! He puts me and several others in touch with Kiran.

In the meantime I have been meeting with a group of my friends, who are depressed and disheartened about some of the political and social issues in Sri Lanka. We wanted to get out of the apathy we were in and were looking for practical way to engage with social issues and the community, to bring in values, empowerment and good governance. I Can seemed like an ideal way to engage with children, teachers and the education system.

We pick up the idea, and today we are running a few pilot projects with amazing results. children have been involved in teaching under-privileged children English, stopping bullying in the school, cleaning up a garbage dump and convincing the municipality to give a job to an unemployed person known to them etc. Amazing what children will do when adults believe in them and they believe in themselves. The teachers are amazed too. Children whom they have hitherto written off as being ‘naughty’ and ‘undisciplined’ have worked the hardest and shown their true potential in their engagement with the project.

(Watch this space for more stories on our learning and experiences and results about the pilot project and how the project progresses.)

So what’s the moral of this story?

A simple random act can often have an unpredictable chain reaction and create change!

A tweet. An email. A contact and introduction. A group of friends.
A change initiative that is empowering children to believe in themselves as change agents and adults to start respecting the passion and action of children.

I did not know at the time I tweeted the link that it would connect me to a social change initiative that is growing as we speak. I didn’t realize that this would be a project that my friends and I would start doing.

What was the link?

Each one of us (me, the group of friends, Bishan, Kiran) in our separate corners of the world had one intention – the intention to transform human society, to empower the good humanness in all of us, to believe in children, to believe in the good in the world. This connected us. And simple random acts with this underlying intention connected us. That’s all. Simple.

I can make simple random acts, holding my intention closely to my heart, and see my intentions unfold, and connect with others.

I am no alone.
You are not alone

Be brave. Be foolish. Make one simple random act of goodness. Share a story. Help someone. Believe in yourself. Believe in someone else. You never know how far it can reach.

Wishing life and energy to your good intentions!

Mihirini


p.s. Please do remember to click this link http://on.ted.com/88Xq to watch the TED talk by Kiran and check out http://www.designforchangecontest.com/. She is truly inspiring and the I Can movement is ‘contagious’.

We would welcome anyone who would like to be part of the project, and initiate ‘I Can’ projects in schools that you have access to. Please do contact me on mihirini@corporatedruids.com if you would like to be part of this movement.

2/9/10

Stolen mangoes are sweeter

The back garden of my home borders Isipathana School (a large boy’s school in Colombo). At first when I moved in to our home I found this quite annoying. Invariably the first quarter of the year we had to put up with an un-tuneful band practicing for the Independence day (celebrated on February 4th) accompanied by a teacher with a grating voice on a loud speaker giving instructions for formation dances etc. They got somewhat tuneful only by about the 2nd of February. Then this was closely followed by the Sportsmeet, so from 7 in the morning till about 4.30 in the afternoon the tuneless band continues along with the teacher on the loudspeaker, plus children screaming and cheering during sports practices. This is not all. We would invariably have cricket balls and footballs sailing over the fence at various ungodly hours and then we would have scruffy children pole valuting the fence to get in to our garden or screaming ‘anti bole’ (aunty Ball). Then we raised the chain linked fence and that got better. Now they just peer through the fence in to our garden and home.

But after sometime I got used to them.

The main attraction of our garden for them, is the mango tree which has most of its branches hanging over the chain link fence in to the school grounds. During mango season I find bricks, sticks and stones thrown in to my garden as they attempt to break the mangoes from their side of the fence. As long as they don’t break any windows in our home I am quite comfortable with them stealing mangoes from their side of the fence. After all I don’t have the motivation or the ingenuity to get to their side and pluck the mangoes from our tree. I figure the mango tree knows who enjoys its fruits the most and therefore has leant more towards the school than our back garden.

Today I observed in marvel two little boys with a stick trying to break the mangoes on their side of the fence.

I marveled at their patience. The stick was puny but not their will. I saw them around 2.15 in the afternoon. I would really like to know why their parents have not come to pick them up from school. But this is not my business I guess. I went back in to the kitchen which faces the back garden around 02.45 to make myself a cup of tea. They have not been successful in breaking the mango. But they were still at it.

It is amazing how focused and committed children can be when stealing mangoes. I wondered with little hope, that this focus and commitment was probably not shown when the parents eventually took them home and asked them to do their math homework!

Then again, from some distant memory I seem to recall that stolen mangoes are much sweeter!!!

2/1/10

Democratic Roads in Sri Lanka and the Villagers Vote

“Sri Lankan roads are very democratic” I quoted to my three friends, Bishan, Chiranthi and Thilini who were travelling with me for the weekend (29 Jan) to the Galle Literary Festival (http://www.galleliteraryfestival.com/), “because everyone has right of way. The dogs, cows, three wheelers, cars, big belching buses, imposing SUV’s, cyclists, cars ….”. We laughed. This was what a friend told my Professor from University of Bath when he came to visit Sri Lanka.

I didn’t realize at that time that I would soon have an opportunity to see this democracy played out in real life, with me as a central character.

Only Thilini joined me in my return journey to Colombo on Sunday. All was uneventful and peaceful, until in Maggona (just outside Kalutara) a dog exercised his democratic right to cross the road in a non-crossing zone. Having reduced my speed as I entered the town, I was prepared and slowed down. Then like many of us citizens who were unsure of how best to use our democracy this election and which way to go, he too paused briefly not sure which way to go. By this time I had to slam my brakes.

I heard a big noise as if something was caught underneath my car. Frozen and panicked that I hit the dog, I scanned the road. A dog barked, and it was not in agony. So what the heck was that? It took a few seconds for me to realize that something hit me from behind, and was very possibly under my car. Thilini, quickly told me “it is a motor cycle, don’t worry, the man is ok, he just walked off”. The fact that a man could actually be under my car came to realization only then, and my heart ran cold at the thought.

I stepped out in to the ‘nadagama (Sri Lankan Folk Art Theater). Immediately there was a huge crowd surrounding the scene. A lone policeman on a motorcycle appeared. I went in search of the man, panicking that he may have been seriously hurt. Someone pointed in the direction of the roadside shops and said “he went in there”. He emerged, looking a little shaken, but without any injury, and after I inquired to his well being, we both walked to the car. Then only I saw the motorcycle under my car! I couldn’t believe that this man walked off unscathed. In the meantime the crowd had grown bigger and many were now venturing their opinion. A man who was trailing by me started telling me “oh miss this is a terrible thing that has happened. Very serious trouble”. He eventually turned out to be the ‘Chief Negotiator”. Then there was another man who was trying to calm me “don’t worry this is not a problem, get in to the car and start it and go forward and we will have to lift the car and get the bike out”. He was one of the ‘Calming Influencers’. In the meantime, typically, the policeman was not at all involved.

Having established that no one was hurt, my concern for the damages to my car now increased. I was getting a little worried, as every time I started the car and tried to move, it wouldn’t budge. Naturally as I had a motorbike underneath my car! But there was a lot of teamwork happening at the back and in a few seconds, with instructions for me to “poddak passata, hari than poddak issarahata, thawa poddak” (a little back, right, now a little forward, a little more”), they had the bike hauled out.

The front of the bike was a little damaged, but relatively unscratched for having been under my car. My car (at that time) didn’t seem to have that many damages.

Then began the voting of the village. Who will they support in the negotiations? The Policeman briefly appeared and checked our licenses etc, asked where we were from. The Motorcyclist I think was from Mathugama, a town close to Kalutara. The policeman inquired disinterestedly whether we wanted to make a report to the police.

The whole village and I must say it was only the men in the village, as I assumed the women were out working or cooking or doing something useful, ventured their opinion. The chief negotiator was working for both of us, as he tried to reconcile and set both of us against each other at the same time. By this time the majority of the crowd (at least 15 people) were telling the motorcyclist that it was his fault, because he hit me from the back. There was a ‘witness’ to the scene, who kept saying that he saw that I was driving very slowly. The Motorcyclist kept saying he was riding slowly too, and that I braked and that’s why he ended up underneath me. Then again the village chorused that in a court of law, it would be still his fault. Another remarked, that he did not keep enough of a gap between his bike and my car, and therefore it was his fault. Somebody helpfully reminded us that it was the dog’s fault, but of course he knowingly added that “we can’t prosecute the dog”.

Seeing that I had some of the villagers on my side, I too repeated that it was his fault and asked him how he wanted to proceed. He suggested that I pay him something!!! He had only third party insurance, and appealed to me to be humane about it. The underlying assumption is that I can afford the repair on my car AND pay him for his.

The Chief negotiator and several others now started saying that it is not fair for him to ask for all the money, to ask only for a portion. I asked him how much he was asking for. I couldn’t believe I was doing this. But I just wanted to leave the place (which he knew, and the village knew), and my better self was also genuinely feeling sorry for the man (oh and the man knew which buttons to push too when he appealed to my ‘human side’).

He scratched his head and said that it looked like his bike would need quite a big repair. I became firm and told him to name his price, so that I could decide whether I would play ball with him or not. The village chorused after me “yes, yes tell her what you are asking for”. I had also quickly concurred with Thilini that this was the way to go, and she had advised me to get in writing that this was the final payment. He scratched his head again and started mumbling the list of repairs he would have to do, and then loudly said “Rs. 6000”. I opened the back door of the car, making the motion to take my handbag out and said “Ok, I will give you Rs. 2000”. He looked pained and suggested conciliatorily that we agree at Rs. 3000. I kept the bag inside the car and suggested that we sort this out legally. The whole village started scolding him “don’t be a fool, just take what she is offering, why do you want to ‘rasthiyadhu’ (be hassled) going to courts”. He reluctantly agreed and I asked for his driving license number and National ID no. Thilini produced pen and paper and I hurriedly scribbled a note with his details and added that he accepts this money from me as being final payment for damages to his motorcycle as a result of him hitting my car from the back! I read it out to him and explained what I had written.

The disinterested policeman made another brief appearance and asked whether we had agreed to settle out of courts.

In the meantime the Chief Negotiator cunningly quips in and suggests that I give the motorcyclist my address for future reference. I politely and firmly declined, saying that it was not necessary, I had not asked for the motorcyclist for his address, only his ID details. If he wants he can have my ID number! The Chief Negotiator smiled as he knew I saw through his cunningness. The motor cyclist by this time was mumbling again “at least 10,000’ for the repair I think” and started feeling his leg for the wounds.

One of the ‘Calming Influencers’ suggested that I now be on my way. And I realized that it was best I should do so, before the ‘democratic court’ decides to prosecute the ‘Colombo lady’ against the ‘Motorcyclist from Mathugama’. I hurriedly said thank you to everyone (including the motorcyclist who got paid off for his mistake), heaved a sigh of relief that this little drama took all of just 15 minutes and drove back to Colombo cautiously without further mishap!!!

This little accident portrays so much of Sri Lankan social phenomena. The curiosity and involvement of complete strangers at a road accident, the way they help you in a crisis and the way they take sides and be engaged participants in the negotiation process even thought it has absolutely nothing to the do with them and the complete lack of interest of the police.

On the level of the involvement this is symbolic of village life. If any minor or major event in a village, everyone gets involved to help as well as to decide who is in the right and wrong. This social phenomena now extends to towns too where this level of involvement now continues with complete strangers when a road accident happens.

On a more personal side, the men in my family were dead against me driving to Galle on my own. The reasons offered were precisely that it was not safe for a woman to drive on their own, what if I met with a serious accident, what if I got in to trouble on the road and there was no one to help. All true. But none of which can be avoided either.

As I was getting dressed in the morning I decided against the dress I had first picked out thinking that it was a little short and it seemed more appropriate for me to wear a longer dress just in case I had get out somewhere on the way. The fact that the length of the dress is considered in my choice of wear to drive from Galle to Colombo, means that I don’t feel completely safe on the road as a woman driving on her own. I know of many incidents where the crowd can get very ugly in certain areas, and the ‘votes’ generally go for the ‘the person with less income’. The crowd can go violently against the ‘out of towner’. Women can get harassed more as they are more vulnerable.

In this instance Thilini and I thought that the fact there wasn’t a man with us may have also worked in our favour for the villagers to be more kind to us. On the other hand as my father said “I capitulated” and gave money to the man who was at fault. Agreed and it is quite hilarious that I should do so, as I was the one taken for a ride. But I console myself that given the circumstances, I had to handle it as best as I could, without making an ugly scene, or handle it in such a way that I didn’t get hassled in the legal system in Sri Lanka, which could be quite painful.

Another friend on being told the story warned me to be careful as this man could have noted my license and then start harassing me for more money. All possible. I know of a similar experience when a gang in the area decided to get involved in an accident. Where the ‘victim’ suddenly produced a limp, and demanded money asked to be visited at home presumably in the presence of gang friends. The ‘victim’ was visited with a casual backup of an Army friend, and the victim’s limp miraculously vanished and he even walked around his living room to demonstrate that the limp had vanished.

I reflected that on the brighter side, no one was killed, the dog was at fault, and he crossed the road and lives to bark his story and a whole village got an opportunity to come together to help and vote to decide the fate of two strangers. Only in Sri Lanka.

1/24/10

To Vote or not to Vote – the meditations of the moral dilemmas of a confused citizen

As the Sri Lankan Presidential Election draws nearer, I find myself twisted in a moral dilemma.

I do not hold any alliance to either of the two main candidates and frankly I do not want to vote for either of them. I do not see much difference in either of them. I do not want more of the same, and neither do I want the same in a different colour and form. I will not go in to details of why I don’t want either of these two candidates. Simply I want a candidate who is a moral and visionary leader, who is not violent or corrupt and has genuine deep love for the country and her people and is beyond his/her own political gain and power.

How should I exercise my fundamental rights, and what is my moral and ethical responsibility as a citizen of this country?

My Options
1. Don’t vote at all
2. Spoil my vote
3. Vote for another candidate, after all there are about 24 to choose from
4. Take a position, vote for the incumbent president or the main opposition presidential candidate.

As I ponder on my options I reflect on the often hacked quote “the people get the government they deserve”. Which means that voting or not voting still makes me responsible. “I” am the “people”. Therein lies my dilemma.

If I don’t won’t to vote because I don’t care who comes in to power means then I will (and will have to) learn to be happy with whatever the results.

I do care. So I can’t take option 1.

Option 2, is as equivalent to not voting, with the exception that by going to the polling booth and using my polling card I am reducing the possibility of someone using my vote without my knowledge – which is a very good possibility given the corruption and rigging that goes on during elections in Sri Lanka. A very strong possibility in this election as it seems like a very close race, and one of the parties are surprised and shaken by the closeness of it.

Option 3 reminds me of the conversation I had with my sister-in-law on the way to Sunday lunch to my parents’ house today. Her friend had told her “There are two horses in this race, so please don’t go and vote for a donkey”. I do not mean to be insulting about the other candidates. I like to think that the reference to “donkey” is a reference to their ability to win in a “race” and nothing else. So actually voting for one of the other candidates other than the two main candidates is as good as not voting (option 1) and spoiling my vote (option 2).

I am left with option 4. Take a position.

I am back to the same place. It is a vicious cycle. I care who wins the election, but the kind of person I want to vote for is difficult to find in the options I am presented with.

Then there is my ego. I also do not want to be held responsible for bringing either of these two candidates in to power. Which means my ego will absolve itself of responsibility and point the finger at others when things are going wrong. This seems a very weak spineless copout action.

Then there is reality. One of these two candidates will come in to power, whether I vote or not.

I am back to square 1 or option 4. I have to take a position.

As I write this some of my friends are attending a mass meditation for bringing peaceful elections. I couldn’t attend, and I promised I would join in from home and join their vibrations.

So I stop writing and start meditating.
I breathe in. I breathe out. I breathe in and breathe out, till my thoughts quiet down and my body relaxes and I deepen in to myself.

Half an hour later …
I am more centered. I re-read what I have typed. Realize how confused I sound, but leave it, because while that person still exists I am also able to access a more centered, loving, compassionate being within me.

While I meditated I visualized both the main candidates faces in my minds’ eye. I saw them as human beings and not just as politicians and war victors. I saw my humanness mirrored in them. I forgave them as I forgave myself. The small, petty and sometimes mean human ego has no business forgiving them, but this compassionate spiritual being can. I asked my cynical ego to shut-up for a while.

In my meditation I also realize once again how inter-connected we all are and how all our actions create the future in to being. I held the contradiction that on one side we have no control whatsoever and on the side we can influence anything.

I go back in to my meditation on this paradox.

I have no control in the system.
I have influence in the system.


I can feel (in my meditation) that I can influence the system with my love and compassion and join all those Sri Lankans who hope and pray for a better and different future. I also become aware that part of this compassion is also being in the present and for appreciating what we have right now and to build on those strengths. I am now able to send out to both these candidates and to the 'soul of Sri Lanka' my highest hopes and my deepest compassion that may the best person for the country lead us, and may the person who lead us be the best for our country.

I now laugh gently at my confused ego that still doesn’t know what to do come 26th January the Election day. I tell ‘it’ that I am taking responsibility for all my actions and non-actions and for whatever the outcome of this election.

Blessings to the higher spirituall selves that reside alongside all those hopeful, fearful and petty human egos … may our higher energy unite in peace and harmony.